The New Chapter

sometimes i hate this fucking town.

I miss coming on here and being able to find out what was going on in my friends live's. I hardly have any friends that use this anymore. Maybe I should just find new ones.

Gotta believe in yourself. Gotta follow your dreams.

But I don't know if I really think my dreams are going to be realistically profitable. I mean am I really going to be able to find a job doing what I want to do? I have to try to.

I have so much that I need to get done in my life. Cheers to making it happen!

Every day is a new chance. to fuck it right back up.

I'm tired when I'm normally not.
I'm a fucking pussy the majority of the time.
I've fucked up more than I wish I had in life.
I'm not the person I wish I was. The person that maybe I could be.
I'm drunk and not enjoying it at the moment.
I'm stupid.
I'm never going to be what I aspire.
I don't have dreams and goals like I should.
I'm not who I guess I make myself out to be.
I'm depressed.
I'm weak-willed.
I want to be a better person.
I wish I could change these things.
I wish I were better at the things I'm decent at.
I wish I could change the way I look.
I wish I weren't the person I am.
I cry more than I would like to admit.
I don't understand my place.
I don't have the drive to be.
I limit myself because I don't believe that I can do better.
I'm not a better friends, even to those that I care about.
I feel like a douche bag most of the time.
I'm a let-down.
I've realized how much I suck.
I don't have any confidence whatsoever.
I'm posting because I've wanted to write and this is a pathetic attempt at what could be a worthwhile read.
I've given up.
I don't have any money and I don't have a job and I don't have shit to my name.
I wish I could change the way I feel about myself.
I have a terrible false hope that never goes away.
I want people to say these things to instead of resorting to an emotionless template that was created for shit like this.
I wish I wasn't such a bitch.
I wish I didn't choose to place importance on the things that I did growing up.
I wish I didn't have such terrible relationships with my family.
I wish I didn't have such a terrible memory.
I don't want to feel like this anymore.]
I want to know what it feels like to have hope and faith.
I'm drunk enough to know it. Not that anyone else could really tell the difference. Most don't.

I know that I'll regret ever writing this, in time.